Dear Kirsty:

You said “Why should I walk around and smile?” and left me behind.

“I just wanted to encourage you” I replied. And sincerely I did.

Well, we all had a long day. That is also my third time of the day I got some hostile language and look from a Douloid. I kindda understand your philosophy on this. Why in the world do I still be a fool and be positive?

“Serving with Excellence” is one of our purpose statements. It should not just be a saying but something we practice, right? “Loving and valuing people” is another one. However, everyday we saw Doulos people living their lives hypocritically.

We prayed God and sang love one another, but we could not sincerely smile to people. We can love our neighbors on board but not some irritating kids or people. Honestly, it is just too damn hard.

I felt so guilty after an year on board being a hypocrite, a liar. Because I cannot “Do what I pray, and pray what I do”. I cannot love wholeheartedly. I gave people nasty look if I had a bad day. And the Holy Spirit really taught me the lesson in a hard way as I voluntarily took the responsibly of tours and PR.

Why do we smile?

Because “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and [why] art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him [for] the help of his countenance.” He smiles and he helps us. Smile brings hope.

Because Paul said: “I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, that I might share it its blessings.” (1 Corinthians 9:22b,23) I do all things not for my own interest, but to live a life to testify my faith.

Because he also shared “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men.” (Ephesians 6:6,7) And I do this not for pleasing anyone, but for Him.

Because he had said “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 26:40) And it doesn’t matter to whomever, even the stingy nasty guy in Port Said.

These are a few reasons which make me extend for one more year. Young lady, I am not and dare not to teach you how to live and what to do. Please forgive my blathering nonsense. Love unspoken is love denied. Keep smiling, keep shining.

Bon voyage,

R